I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
