Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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