The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
