literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
