I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
