You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
