He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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