just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
