we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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