The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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