You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
