I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
