haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
