The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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