Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
