"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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