So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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