Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
