first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
