im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I believe in your delicious
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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