explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
