you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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