she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
