I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
