I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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