If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize