Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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