I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
