4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
do nipples grow back?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
