things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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