and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
