in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize