i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
