you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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