She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
