ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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