Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
