I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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