omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
