I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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