Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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