Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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