So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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