I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
