Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
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