You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
