Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm at about main and main street
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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