what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I looked at my own cervix.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
