dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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