Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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