Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We left the knife in your bed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
