I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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