I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
