So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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