Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize