Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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