I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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