I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
