Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
