Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
