WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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