garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't deserve a penis
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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